Empathy is often seen as a virtue—an ability to step into another’s shoes, to feel what they feel and to offer support from a place of deep understanding. But what if what we think is empathy is sometimes something else? What if the labels we give to ourselves and others don’t always reflect the full picture?

In the world of emotions and relationships, not everything is as it seems. Someone who appears deeply empathic might, in reality, struggle with true emotional attunement. Meanwhile, someone accused of being self-centered may actually be deeply reflective, but driven by survival, responsibility or a sense of duty. The way we see others—and the way they see us—is often clouded by personal experiences, biases and even mental health challenges.

Empathy vs. Projection

True empathy requires not just feeling for others but understanding them beyond one’s own perspective. However, some people mistake emotional intensity for empathy. They may feel deeply but struggle to connect their emotions to the reality of others’ experiences. In some cases, they project their own inner turmoil onto those around them, assuming others feel as they do—even when this isn’t the case.

A person going through emotional instability, like someone with undiagnosed bipolar disorder, may swing between deep affection and withdrawal, between inspiration and exhaustion. In moments of euphoria, they may feel deeply connected to the world and believe they have a unique mission. In depressive states, the same world may seem distant and unkind. This emotional turbulence can lead to misunderstandings:

• They may believe they are highly empathic because they feel things intensely.

• They may see others as cold or selfish if they do not match their emotional intensity.

• They may change direction suddenly, abandoning relationships, careers, or beliefs when a new “truth” presents itself.

The Narcissist Label: A Misunderstood Concept

On the other side of the spectrum, the label “narcissist” is often misused. A person who is goal-oriented, logical or emotionally restrained is not necessarily self-absorbed. Many people who work hard, structure their lives with clear intentions or enforce boundaries are doing so not out of a lack of empathy, but out of necessity.

• Hard work does not equal narcissism. Many people work intensely not for personal gain but for stability, family or purpose.

• Emotional control is not a lack of feeling. Some people process emotions internally rather than expressing them outwardly.

• Saying “no” is not selfish. Healthy boundaries are essential in any relationship.

Too often, when a relationship ends or when two people grow apart, one person is labeled the “narcissist” and the other the “empath”. In reality, most people exist somewhere in between. No one is purely one thing. The truth is often far more complex.

New Beginnings and the Trap of Reinvention

When relationships dissolve, many seek a new identity—a fresh start. This can be healthy, but it can also be a form of avoidance. Jumping into a new “mission”, a new belief system or a new community can sometimes be a way to escape unresolved emotions.

• Some turn to spirituality, seeking answers from external sources rather than confronting their own inner struggles.

• Others immerse themselves in work, creativity, or causes, believing that purpose will heal them.

• Many look for external validation, surrounding themselves with people who reinforce their perspective rather than challenge it.

But healing doesn’t come from running. It comes from processing, accepting and understanding. A normal, healthy farewell—whether from a relationship, a career or a phase of life—requires reflection. Not everything needs to be turned into a mission. Sometimes, simply being is enough.

Final Thoughts: Seeing Beyond the Surface

Before we label others—or ourselves—it’s worth asking: Is this the full picture? Is the “narcissist” truly without care or are they simply focused? Is the “empath” truly understanding or are they seeking validation through their emotions? Is the new adventure a genuine path or just a way to escape the past?

Life is not black and white. People are not one thing or another. And sometimes, the healthiest thing we can do is to let go, move forward, and accept that some questions don’t need answers—only time.